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Talk:Elias Abraham Rosenberg/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: MathewTownsend (talk · contribs) 14:08, 10 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I will reveiw this article shortly. Best, MathewTownsend (talk) 14:08, 10 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Prose
  • "Most details of his life are unknown, but he is known to have lived in San Francisco in the 1880s and developed a reputation " - "unknow, but he is known" - needs rewording
    • Agree, rephrased.
  • "kept the details of Rosenberg's statements confidential.[1] Rosenberg told the king Bible stories read to him from the Talmud,[2] and claimed to have found references to Hawaii in ancient Hebrew texts" - clarify that although in read the King Bible stories etc. the "Rosenberg's statements confidential" - what is meant by "statements"? - "and claimed to have found references to Hawaii in ancient Hebrew texts" - this doesn't fall under statements?
    • Agree, rephrased.
  • "The collector general, who oversaw Rosenberg's position, was replaced in May. In March, April, and May, Rosenberg was paid $100, ostensibly for working as a guard at the customs office. On June 1, he received a payment of $260 for an unknown reason." - how is this important and how does it related to any of the storyline. What does it mean? What relevance does it have?
    • Took a stab at it.
  • "Items about Rosenberg regularly appeared in a Hawaiian Gazette gossip column, written under the pseudonym "Flaneur". The columnist alleged that Rosenberg did no work at the customs office but collected a regular salary. Rosenberg was also satirized by a troupe of amateur minstrels at the Hawaii Opera house." - how does this relate?
    • Moved these sentences, hopefully more logical now.

GA review-see WP:WIAGA for criteria (and here for what they are not)

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose: clear and concise, correct spelling and grammar:
    (see examples above)
    The sentences and paragraphs don't hang together. Unrelated information seems to be juxtaposed for no reason.
    Thus the prose is choppy; it doesn't flow.
    Fair enough, will work on it.
    Looking at the online sources e.g.[1] and using your other sources - isn't there info that could fill out this article?
    I don't think there's anything worth mentioning about him that isn't here yet, he's a bit of an enigma.
    B. Complies with MoS for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
    Lede is not clear about the main content of article. If one of the most important aspects is that Rosenberg left he left a Sefer Torah and a yad in Hawaii, which became prized possessions of the Hawaiian royal family and were later given to Temple Emanu-El - then shouldn't this be stressed more in the lede?
    Ok, I added a bit more to the lead.
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. Provides references to all sources:
    B. Provides in-line citations from reliable sources where necessary:
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Main aspects are addressed:
    Bits and pieces from the sources are patched together, but is isn't clear to me what the broad aspects are.
    "He is considered to have been an eccentric[3] and was described by San Francisco newspapers as an "adventurer"[4] and a "curio"." - can any of this be expanded upon?
    Unfortunately, I don't think so.
    Did Rosenberg's actions and gifts have any effect on the practice of Judaism in Hawaii?
    Good question, I think a book I have mentions something about this, I'll try to dig it up and put it in (the answer is ultimately no though).
    Did any of this have an important effect of the reign of the king? (seems he was prone to soothsayers etc.)
    I think it may have damaged his credibility, I think one or two of the sources might mention this, I'll try to check through them.
    B. Remains focused:
    Seems to be some focus on small detail that doesn't contribute to the understanding of the article - e.g. the stuff about his holding jobs at the customs office" (see above).
    Ok, will try to rephrase for flow and focus.
    Gave it a try, hope it makes more sense now.
  4. Does it follow the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail:
  • Thanks for your help, I agree that it has improved.
Reevaluation after fixes
1. Well written?: Pass Pass
2. Factually accurate?: Pass Pass
3. Broad in coverage?: Pass Pass
4. Neutral point of view?: Pass Pass
5. Article stability?: Pass Pass
6. Images?: Pass Pass