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Wikipedia:Peer review/Léon M'ba/archive2

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Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am trying to bring this article to FA status. The former PR languised in very-little response hell.

Thanks, --I'm an Editorofthewiki[citation needed] 19:32, 2 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]


Comments from Yohhans talk - Just looking at prose and flow. I'll hit MoS and content if I can, but don't expect too much in these areas. :)

General

Lead

Early life

Under the colonial administration

  • Chef de canton
  • With his colleague Ambamamy - full name for Ambamamy?
  • he used the service obligatoire - either link the term, define it or use lay terminology.
  • However, from 1929, the colonial administration started to investigate his activities after intercepting one of his letters to Kouyaté, the secretary of the Ligue des droits de l'homme, who was accused of being an ally of the Comintern. → However, beginning in 1929, the colonial administration started to investigate his activities after they intercepted one of his letters to (full name of Kouyaté), secretary for the Ligue des droits de l'homme, who was accused of being an ally of the Comintern.
  • In those years, M'ba distanced himself from Christianity without breaking completely with his faith, and became a follower of the Bwiti[6] religious sect, which Fangs were particularly receptive to. → In those years, M'ba distanced himself from Christianity, but did not break completely with his faith. He instead became a follower of the Bwiti[6] religious sect, which Fangs were particularly receptive to.
  • removed from power[9] and sentenced → removed from power.[9] He was sentenced
  • I'll do the rest later. From what I've read so far, it is written fairly well. I'm just nitpicky.

More Comments

[edit]

Last batch of comments. I've also just started to edit the page with the nitpicky things myself. If you don't agree with the changes, feel free to correct what I've done. - Yohhans talk

Exile in Oubangui-Chari

Political ascension

Head of independent Gabon

General notes

  • Image captions that are not full sentences should not have full stops. I have fixed these.
  • Also, I am not sure about the legitimacy of the use of Image:Mba.jpg. It will definitely be remarked on when you take the article to FAC (either by Giggy, Awadewit or Fasach Nua if not others).
  • You've mixed up the citation templates: both {{Citation}} and {{Harvnb}} style are used (e.g. current ref 78 is Citation, and current ref 80 is Harvard). Pick one.
  • Reference 38 needs an accessdate.
  • This was brought up in the 1964 Gabon coup FAC and I think it bears repeating. There are multiple sentences that are referenced with the same reference in a row. For example in Chef de Canton, both the sentences "As the leader ... able-minded man." and "He once wrote in a letter ... authority that I represent." are cited by current ref 5. To ease readability, I think you can drop the first reference and just put the reference at the end of the paragraph. It will (or should anyway) be assumed that this references covers the previous two sentences.
  • Why does it say in the lead he was appointed as prime minister on May 21, 1957, but his user-box says he was in office from February 27, 1959 to February 21, 1961? Which is right?
  • Links all check out.
  • End
  • I think that's all I have. Overall an easy and engaging read. I don't know that I have any request for extra content. It feels fairly complete to me. The only thing that may need some expanding on is his family. There's a very small blurb of it at the very end. I was beginning to wonder whether he married or not. Maybe something could be added to the Early life section? Anyway, I hope this review was helpful. Good luck with the FAC! - Yohhans talk 16:10, 5 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]